Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Thursday, December 17, 2020

Stealing Jia by Gail Koger (VBB, excerpt, and GIVEAWAY) GFT ADULT



Stealing Jia

by

Gail Koger



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jia grew up in an orphanage that turned children into master thieves and gave the school of hard knocks a run for its money. Jia’s psychic talents have kept her alive, but not out of trouble. While searching for her adopted brother, Jia finds herself on a galactic adventure with a horde of mischievous extra-terrestrial kids she’s determined to protect. Adding to the chaos is an Askole Battle Commander who claims she is his mate. How is that even possible? They’ve never met.

Trayon, the Battle Commander, is a deadly Askole. Huge. Battle hardened muscles. A regular warrior’s nightmare with black, armor-plated skin and tentacles. Who knew the scary guy was such an excellent kisser and had the heart of a romantic? All Jia ever wanted was a family of her own. Maybe an alien family wouldn’t be so bad.

To win Jia, Trayon must prove he loves her and she’s not some female the Coletti Overlord just sold him. But first, he has to keep the trouble magnet alive long enough to convince her.


 

Excerpt

I frowned as I stepped into the restaurant. The only light came from the numerous candles decorating the tables. The darkness and the access to the catacombs was a little too handy. Was Giovanni planning another kidnapping? If so, he had picked the wrong girl to mess with.

Like a wraith, Giovanni appeared out of the darkness. His white silk suit could double as a lab coat. “My darling, I am so glad you came.” With a bow, he handed me a single red rose.

“How could I resist someone who loves to Tango as much as I do.” I took the rose gingerly. A funny chemical smell emanated from the flower. “Thank you. It’s beautiful.”

“It’s a simple gift from my garden. The unique fragrance stimulates the senses. Take a deep breath and you will see what I mean,” Giovanni said, watching me carefully.

The chemicals tickled my nose. Ker-choo! Ker-choo! Ker-choo! Ker-choo!

Giovanni recoiled in disgust as I sneezed repeatedly in his face.

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry. I’m allergic to flowers.”

His wiped his face off and gritted, “It matters not.”

“Truly?” I snagged the red silk hankie from his lapel pocket and blew my nose vigorously. The expression on his face when I handed it back to him was priceless.

Giovanni dropped the offending hankie on a passing waiter’s tray.

I stuffed the stinky rose into his lapel pocket. “Much better.” 



 Buy link:

Amazon

 

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About the Author: 

 

 I was a 9-1-1 dispatcher for the Glendale Police Department and to keep from going totally bonkers – I mean people have no idea of what a real emergency is. Take this for an example: I answered, “9-1-1 emergency, what’s your emergency?” And this hysterical woman yelled, “My bird is in a tree.” Sometimes I really couldn’t help myself, so I said, “Birds have a tendency to do that, ma’am.” The woman screeched, “No! You don’t understand. My pet parakeet is in the tree. I’ve just got to get him down.” Like I said, not a clue. “I’m sorry ma’am, but we don’t get birds out of trees.” The woman then cried, “But… What about my husband? He’s up there, too.” See what I had to deal with? To keep from hitting myself repeatedly in the head with my phone, I took up writing.

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GIVEAWAY

 

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The tour dates can be found here

 


 

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Shopping for a Billionaire by Julia Kent (Blitz and GIVEAWAY) XBT




 


 

Shopping for a Billionaire
Julia Kent
(Shopping for a Billionaire #1)
Publication date: June 2nd 2014
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance
When mystery shopper Shannon Jacoby meets billionaire Declan McCormick with her hand down a toilet in the men’s room of one of his stores, it’s love at first flush in this hilarious new romantic comedy from New York Times bestselling author Julia Kent.






 







EXCERPT:


Whoosh! Whoosh! I flush both urinals, then rush over to toilet #1. Whoosh! I stand in front of the stall to #2 and get ready to flush that one.

I’m in my own little world and let my guard down to ponder the question. I am also exhausted and most definitely not in top form, because I let a few seconds go by before realizing that someone is coming in the bathroom. Out of the corner of my eye I see a business shoe, and that becomes a blur as I scurry into one of the stalls and shut the door.

Heart pounding, I stare at the dented back of the stall door. Then I look down. Chipped red nail polish peeks up at me from my open-toed navy shoe. Aside from being outed as a transgendered person in here, there’s no plausible reason why any men’s room stall occupant should have red toenails.

I quickly scramble to perch myself on the toilet, feet planted firmly on either side of the rim, squatting over the open bowl like I am giving birth. Because I am genetically incapable of balance—ever—and as my heart slams against my chest so hard it might as well be playing a djembe, I lean carefully forward with one arm against the back of the stall door, the other clutching my phone.

The unmistakable sound of a man taking a whizz echoes through the bathroom. I can’t help myself and look through the tiny crack in the door.

It’s Mr. Sex in a Suit, his back to me. Thank goodness, because if I got a full-frontal shot right now, then how would I answer the “aesthetically pleasing” question from a strictly professional standpoint?

The tiny bit of shifting I do to peer through the crack makes my right foot slip, and I make a squeaking sound, then lose my grip on my phone as my arm flails.

Ka-PLUNK!

You know that sound, right? I know, and you know, that I’ve just dropped my smartphone in the toilet, but he thinks the man—he assumes it’s a man—in here just delivered something the size of a two-hundred-year-old turtle into the toilet.

I look down. My phone is still glowing, open to the question “Is the bathroom aesthetically pleasing?”


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Author Bio:
New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author Julia Kent writes romantic comedy with an edge. From billionaires to BBWs to new adult rock stars, Julia finds a sensual, goofy joy in every contemporary romance she writes. Unlike Shannon from Shopping for a Billionaire, she did not meet her husband after dropping her phone in a men's room toilet (and he isn't a billionaire). She lives in New England with her husband and three sons in a household where the toilet seat is never, ever, down.



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