The Big Fat Mermaid by Dweezel and Pallie (VBB, excerpt and GIVEAWAY) GFT

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The Big Fat Mermaid

by Dweezel and Pallie

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GENRE: Middle Grade Fractured fairy tales

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BLURB:

She's nasty, she's gross, and she's anything but little. All Aria the mermaid princess wants is to stuff her face full of food, but what happens when her dad, the king, tries to stop her? The answer: laughs beyond belief! Watch as Aria deals with her mean dad, a chubby-chasing prince, a harpoon wielding sea captain, and, in a grand final battle, the monstrous water witch herself.

Aria will bite, belch, and fart her way into your heart in this second installment of the Funny Stories for Kids series, brought to you by the famed Dweezel and Pallie.

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EXCERPT:

Look at my stash, see all the treats?

See all the cupcakes and pickled pigs feet?

You can see I'm a mermaid

who wants to eat... everything!

I eat every second I'm waking

I'm so fat that I'm breaking the floor

Double chins?

I got twenty!

But so what?

I don't care!

I want more!

I need to eat what the humans eat

I'd like to eat when the food is still dry

I want to eat some fresh...

Uggh... beef!

Down in the brine the food tastes so bad,

when all you're allowed is some seaweed to live by,

None of that stuff that's so salty and...

mmm mmm mmm... Sweet!

What do I care

if all the laws

say we have to stay hidden?

And what do I care

if eating of meat

is strictly forbidden?

I'm addicted to food

but it tastes so good

so I don't give a single crum about rules;

want more yummies, dipped in honey,

no one to intrude.

Off by the ships

I get just get what drips

off of the sides, or they throw in barrels.

No primo stuff like

fresh dip and…

uggh... chips!

I want to munch,

I want to brunch,

I want to eat the thing they call lunch!

Sweets and the meats...

I need to eat

all of that food.

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AUTHOR Bio and Links:

Dr. Dweezel and Professor Pallie have become famed in their respective fields for outstanding contributions. For nearly a decade they have collaborated on the recording of lost ancient texts and tales.

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